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9.26.2014

{oh hey friday | things i shouldn't tell you}

Is it inappropriate for me to talk about dildo's on my blog?
Yes. The answer is definitely yes.
Which makes today's post that much better.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post on "5 things I probably shouldn't tell you"
Today you get to hear some things that I certainly shouldn't tell you.
Because, why the hell not, right?

1. | 10 years ago I took a year out of college to be a student missionary and go and teach Kindergarten on an island.
Majuro, Marshall Islands.
Has anyone heard of this? No seriously, I want to know.
Really, it's not even an island.
It's an atoll.
I could explain this to you, but just see for yourself:
At it's very widest spot it is 1/2 mile wide.
The tallest spot on the island is a man-made bridge.
Pretty third world... but they did sell ice cream and pizza, so not too bad.

I went with a large group of my friends that went to the same University as me.
There were about 10 of us. 
There were also about 10 other college aged "teachers" that showed up.
In essence, we came to run their school. 
Kinder-12th grade.

Absolutely none of this is something I shouldn't' tell you
You just needed a little background.

2. |  Each apartment we were given to stay in housed 4 people. 2 in each bedroom.
Two of my besties and I had a free space in ours, so we got one of the gals from the other group of people who came. 
Here we are:
Our roommate's identity has been covered up.... to protect the innocent...er... guilty.
AND just in case one of you knows her.

That's me on the far right.
I'll never be that skinny again.
I repeat. Never.
That's the result of a root canal and a break up {from my now hubby}.

I got paired up with the newbie in my room, because, well the blondies had known each other since they were in grade school. Or something dumb like that.

Things started out fine.
She shared some info about herself...
pierced tongue.
"lucky you" tattoo on her groin.
largest bras I've ever seen in my life.

Overall nice gal.
Maybe a bit bipolar.
And super duper passive.
And perhaps a hair aggressive.

I tend to be a tad passive also.
Not a great combo.

Picture, lots of awkward silence.
It's fair to say we didn't have much in common.
And she didn't like my friends very much.

3. | Things really did start out just fine though.
After a while things got more awkward.
For many reasons. But I will just share one with you.

Being the prepared person that I am, I brought with me rechargeable AA batteries for my digital camera. 
{Shout out to those fancy point and shoot cameras from the days of old.}
The new roommate asked if she could borrow some one day.
I obliged.

A few weeks later all of my batteries were gone.
I asked about them, and she said that she would return them.
A few days later, still no batteries.
When I asked her again, she reached under her bed into a brown bag, grabbed a couple {not all} of them and gave them to me.
I remember getting a little ticked off.
My batteries. For my camera. To take my pictures to remember this year abroad.
And she was using/hiding them?
No way, sister.


One of the guys in my group of friends decided he would go to our room and rescue the remaining batteries.
He obviously was way less passive than I.

Much to his surprise though...
when he reached into that brown bag under the bed he realized that it housed the roommates dild!
Which housed MY batteries.
{you're welcome roommate}
And my guy friend decided it was necessary to pull it out and show each of us.
Thanks, but no thanks.
There was a picture taken of him holding it, with the most ridiculous grin on his face.

I knew she spent a lot of time in the room, but come on!

Well... dead giveaway, my guy friend apparently removed the batteries to return to me.
Not like that's obvious or anything.
She clearly knew that they were taken.

Unfortuately Fortunately I can't find the picture anywhere. I've scoured, believe me.
It must have gotten deleted.

4. | This is certainly not the end of the story.
Even though I really wish it was.

Years, later... probably two... someone comes across the roommates blog.
{who knew she had a blog?}
Apparently she had been keeping this blog through-out her time on the island.
{ps - you had to pay per minute to be on the internet... dedicated blogger}

After reading lots of posts about how much she disliked us {for truly no apparent reason}, and her whole experience there in general, we got to one very interesting post.

In short, she wrote that she was upset with her roommate for getting into her personal belongings.
{I DIDN'T touch your personal belongings sweetheart. Never. Ever.}
Because, she was upset with her roommate {me} she decided to give me what I "deserved".
{What the? Really? It wasn't me.}
SO, she took my toothbrush, and scrubbed the counter and sink with it!!
Double duty I guess - cleaning + revenge all in one.

Gah! I was pretty pissed when I read it... because, well... I didn't get into her dirty little brown bag.
And, using my toothbrush to clean a dirty counter with?
That's disgusting.
And cruel.
And extremely passive aggressive.

Moral of the story?
Just return what you borrow.
Or better yet, don't borrow, buy your own!

Regardless, that year was probably one of my best yet.

5. | On a completely non-dildo related note...
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Check out all of these lovely gals and then get entered!

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Click HERE to check out all of the options.

Hope to be working with you soon.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

If you are new to this link up, let me break it down for you real fast...
Write about any five things.
Slap the below button your post.
Link up your post.
Voila!
Then make new friends.
{or maybe not, especially if you wrote a post like mine}


Can't wait to read all of your posts!
Have a great weekend.

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21 comments:

  1. This is freaking hilarious- and now I bet everyone who is reading this is just dying to read her blog :P

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  2. Oh my gosh. I'm dying. That's hilarious.

    It also makes me incredible glad to not (EVER) have to live with a roommate again.

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  3. Omg... that's hilarious. What a B.... yuck. How cool that you got to do a mission trip though! What an amazing life experience. Have a great weekend!

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  4. Stop!!! That was amazing!!! How funny that she had a blog too and it just happen to be when you were there!!!

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  5. This is definitely Saturday confessional material, hilarious, I can't believe you had to live with her for a full year :)

    Natalia

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  6. Hi there, found your blog through the link up! LOL WOW that is quite a story! She sounds like a very interesting individual. I would have been so mad and disgusted about the toothbrush thing!!

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  7. Oh my gosh! That's gross and hilarious at the same time!

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  8. So ridiculous and so hysterical!! So glad I found your blog through the link up. Can't believe you found her blog later and she did that to your toothbrush! Ugh

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  9. What!!! That is so crazy, and to stumble upon her blog years later!! Crazy!

    Amy
    Champagne and Pearls

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  10. Oh my gosh.. I'm dying!! I wish you would have linked her blog post.. that'd be too funny! Haha!

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  11. Oh my word, that has to be one of the most entertaining stories (and horrifying) ever!!!! I die!

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  12. Bahaha That is hilariously disgusting!! What a crazy roomie!

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  13. Seriously -- this is the greatest story EVER! Pretty sure there's one of those girls at every college! At least I know mine had one, and she was crazy, too!

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  14. This is hilarious! Some people are so weird! Your toothbrush, really? She's lucky she used your batteries for as long as she did! Great Friday reading though! Have a great weekend .

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  15. The island sounds amazing, the roommate- not so much. Sorry about your toothbrush, lol!

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  16. This was absolutely hilarious to read!!! Really brilliant photos too. Wish I could go teach on an island right now - what fun!!!

    Just got introduced to you by Yoga Pants and so happy I did :)
    New follower - about to go and check out your recipe post below and might even decide to make it for dinner tonight! Sounds like just what I am craving xx

    www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com

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  17. That is hilarious. Not the part about your toothbrush but that EVERYONE knew she had a "secret" dildo. Things like this, about people that aren't nice is very funny to me.

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  18. OMG! ICK does not even being to describe her doing that.

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  19. Wow....that is INSANE....people are crazy. And gross.

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  20. I am laughing insanely hard right now! I love your blog and find you hilarious

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